Monday, January 4, 2010

How green can you be?

I feel as if I'm an unwilling participant in a reality TV show with that name. I think it's fair to say this so called cold snap has gone beyond being just a snap. Maybe it is the planet itself taking action towards reducing our carbon footprint thus giving itself another few years until the human kind cops on and starts doing such things in its own accord.
Step one: Make sure roads have a sheet of ice on the surf
ace. This is best achieved by raising the temperature during the day to about +5 and sprinkling everything with a lovely little shower just before sundown. Then lower the temperature below zero and voilà! The road has taken on an uncanny resemblance to a skating rink. This of course prevents anyone in their right mind getting into their car and traveling anywhere at all unless they have to. You have successfully cut out any unnecessary journeys for the majority of the population. Step one complete.
Step two: Continue with the freezing sub-zero temperatures. If you have successfully completed step one, you have a truly captive audience since everyone is cooped up inside. This will freeze the water supply to most houses, giving the people a chance to firstly, really appreciate what they have by taking it away, and secondly, reconsider the things they consider necessities. Do I really need to shower daily? Do I really need to do a load of laundry every day? Does that plate really need washing up? How long can I go without flushing the toilet? Step two complete.

Step three: Now it's time to up your game a bit. Create a storm. This may require raising the temperature above zero for a while, but if you time your storm correctly, you will be able to combine this step with step one, just to give the roads a top up of ice. If all goes to plan, your perfect storm will disrupt the electricity supply. This means no lights, no heating, no cookers and no pollution. Remember to keep the water supply frozen, this way any oil-fired central heating will be out of action too. As long as you make sure step one has been completed and keep repeating it as needed, there is a very slim chance of the electricity supply to be fixed, because the people working on it will be unable to travel where ever it may be they need to go to fix it.

To sum up your terrific efforts, you have eliminated carbon emissions from cars, stopped people wasting water and brought to a halt the reckless consumption of electricity generated by fossil fuel. The people who installed solar panels are laughing all the way.

Not to mention, it all looks so very

No comments:

Post a Comment